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One of the advertised features on ATMT’s N-Lite MP3 player is ‘fast forward’. Fast forward hasn’t been a feature worth commenting on since the gramophone.
The battery life is a subtly ambiguous ‘longer than eight hours’. I really don’t know what that means, but I’m assuming that if it had managed to creep over nine hours, ATMT would have advertised it as such. Assume the battery life’s between eight and nine hours. I suppose that’s long enough to get you through a working day, but it might not cover your commute.
‘The N-Lite: Lasts as long as milk in direct sunlight (now with fast forward).’
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But Garfield needs his eyes. Why have they done this to Garfield’s eyes.
Also, he doesn’t seem to have a body any more and you can play music through him.
Spotted at Newlaunches.com
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I feel like a proper technology journalist today. I’m looking at a website I can’t even read. You know you’re in the land of technology when your PC can’t produce the right characters. Mark my words, no decent technology is made in the West.
So I don’t know who Brainic are and I don’t know about the Egge. It’s 512MB or 1GB. I think it’s 27.4g. It can produce 65,000 colours on a 0.95″ screen.
There’s some educated guessery going on there, as you no doubt understand.
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Is this, or is this not, you’re nan’s purse from 1984?
I could be wrong, but that pattern looks distinctly familiar. Either way, it’s certainly a bit dated-looking for something like the iPod Video - a contraption so painfully cool that owning one’s like repeatedly stabbing yourself through the eyes with an icicle.
Maybe this look’s so old it’s cool again. I’m never good with stuff like that. Everything I own is bought as uncool and subsequently abandoned before it becomes cool again.
It’s not especially clever to mock text that is clearly translated from another language, but I’m not clever. Conico’s website features the following text about the ZS35 iPod wallet:
“Elegant attribute. Tailor makes ipod video case for the high bow serious with shiny Spanish Nappa genuine leather.”
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The K5 has ‘a heavy portfolio’ according to Samsung. That’s what I look for in an MP3 player. How about you?
The K5 features a slide-out speaker system, which is pretty clever. You too could be really, really hated by everyone on the train.
Or you could sell your stereo and use the K5 at home and be just a little bit disappointed that the tiny speaker doesn’t quite live up to your expectations.
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Just the two of us, we can make it if we try.
MobiBLU’s website boasts of a “laser etched metal keyoad”. Now I don’t know what a ‘keyoad’ is, but I want one and surely so must you.
Just imagine the scenario. Your friend gets out his or her MP3 player and starts going on about its memory size and how unbelievably small it is. Another friend does the same. And another. How do you decide who’s got the best MP3 player. You can’t. They’re all much the same.
At this point, you whip out your MobiBLU US2 and say: ‘Ah, but have any of you got an MP3 player with a laser etched metal keyoad?’
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The 2-Play. It’s either a reference to its revolutionary two colour display, or it’s a play on the word ‘toupée’ and doubles up as a wig.
My guess is it’s the latter, which is great news for all you comb-over sporting gents out there, just so long as you don’t mind hair that looks like a very tiny MP3 player - and let’s face it, who’d mind that?
Battery life’s not specified on ATMT’s website. That’s got to be a worry, hasn’t it?
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Look at the skin. It’s too pale. It must be an android.
It’s sort of square as well. Particularly the fingers. No natural hand could be that flawless. It’s an archetypal hand - except that in nature there’s no such thing.
Plus, if a human holds something, they usually make at least some attempt to wrap their fingers around the item. This is more plinth than hand.
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I could cry. I could literally break down and cry for about a week. Why does it have to end with an X? There really is NO NEED.
Trekstor’s i.Beat Organix comes with a ‘neck strap’ which you can probably organise into a sort of makeshift noose with which to end it all once you’ve wallowed in the profound pointlessness of a world where people randomly alter spellings solely so that a terrible product will seem infinitesimally cooler.
It doesn’t happen with cheese or electricity or anything else they make you buy. Why are MP3 players so at risk?
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Brown and leathery. Like a cow.
No. Not like a cow. Like a dead cow’s skin - desecrated for the embellishment of some no-mark’s ‘look’.
It’s just a brown leather thing. I don’t know why I’m being so hateful about it. I used to wear a suede jacket once for God’s sake, back when I was young enough to wear outer garments which weren’t necessarily waterproof.
Maybe it’s because it’s designed specifically to hold an iPod Video - one of the most vacuous products imaginable. I shouldn’t take it out on the case really, but if products were in teams, this case would be on the iPod Video’s team. Stupid thing. Stupid team.
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I’m still not getting much value out of Sumvision’s website, so on with the lies. This’ll teach Sumvision for the brevity of their product descriptions. Too right.
Sumvision’s Wiki Pro MP4 player features ‘auto switch off’ (this actually isn’t a lie). What they don’t tell you is that it automatically switches off even while you’re using it. In fact, especially when you’re using it.
But not only that. It also has the facility to switch off other equipment you own and will do so without mercy. Reports are starting to come in of people’s freezers being switched off by Sumvision’s Wiki Pro, causing large quantities of food to defrost. People then have a choice of either throwing it all away or gorging on it so as not to waste anything.
Sumvision’s Wiki Pro: Responsible for worldwide obesity.
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I quite like the look of Samsung’s YP-T8A. What have I become?
What kind of a man actually experiences ‘opinions’ about the appearance of a technological contraption? A very sad one.
I need to find something to ridicule about the YP-T8A to restore my faith in myself. You can play ‘motion detecting games’ with it. That’s quite laughable. My eyes can detect motion. I don’t consider it a game.
Oh, it’s about three inches long as well, which is stupidly small. The world’s gone metric now as well. No-one measures in inches. Still, too small’s too small whatever unit you measure it in.
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It’s the weakest marketing campaign EVER.
“With such a small size of 91.5 mm X 53.8 mm X 14.8 mm, it’s really easy to carry” - and lose.
“Connected to a computer, it is recognized by Windows Explorer as a removable storage device, enabling you to upload and download files easily” - like a memory card then. Revolutionary.
“You can sort saved files to folders of your choice” - can you name these folders? That would really swing it for me.
“You can even select the music you want to play by searching [the folders] during playback” - so you can ACTUALLY CHOOSE what to listen to?
Other highlights include two choices of colour and how it remembers what you were listening to and how loudly if you switch it off for a bit.
It’s like I’ve died and gone to MP3 player heaven.
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Every ATMT product I look at on their site features less information than the one before. Here’s ALL that I know about the 7310.
Its name’s a number.
It plays music.
It can do radio.
Various memory sizes.
Battery life ‘more than 10 hours’.
It doesn’t even mention fast forward like all of ATMT’s other MP3 players. I’ve got to deduce that you can’t fast forward with the 7310.
I also don’t know how big it is. Let’s say it’s the size of the moon. It’s as good a guess as any.
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“be prepared for the truth of what future of entertaiment is all about” - iRiver’s words not mine. And no, I haven’t taken those words out of context, because there was no context. That’s the pulled-out banner headline thing on the press release. It starts with a lower case letter, contains no punctuation, spells things wrong and omits words.
It’s probably just translated, you say. Well translate it well then. It’s hardly like iRiver can’t afford to employ somebody capable. This is the iRiver X20’s slogan, for crying out loud. It’s reproduced throughout their website in exactly that form.
I’ll write them a new one: ‘Be prepared for the truth about the iRiver X20 - you’ll lose it inside a week’.
