Oh dear Lord. Will you look at this thing.
Imagine owning it. Even worse: Imagine being seen with it. It’s too horrifying to contemplate.
Is it supposed to hang from your belt or what? That would be monumentally stupid. Surely you’re asking for that knife-and-a-moped, cutting-the-strap trick that thieves perfected for hand bags.
Actually, maybe its in-built protection from that method of theft is its hideous, hideous appearance.
Is this, or is this not, you’re nan’s purse from 1984?
I could be wrong, but that pattern looks distinctly familiar. Either way, it’s certainly a bit dated-looking for something like the iPod Video - a contraption so painfully cool that owning one’s like repeatedly stabbing yourself through the eyes with an icicle.
Maybe this look’s so old it’s cool again. I’m never good with stuff like that. Everything I own is bought as uncool and subsequently abandoned before it becomes cool again.
It’s not especially clever to mock text that is clearly translated from another language, but I’m not clever. Conico’s website features the following text about the ZS35 iPod wallet:
“Elegant attribute. Tailor makes ipod video case for the high bow serious with shiny Spanish Nappa genuine leather.”
Brown and leathery. Like a cow.
No. Not like a cow. Like a dead cow’s skin - desecrated for the embellishment of some no-mark’s ‘look’.
It’s just a brown leather thing. I don’t know why I’m being so hateful about it. I used to wear a suede jacket once for God’s sake, back when I was young enough to wear outer garments which weren’t necessarily waterproof.
Maybe it’s because it’s designed specifically to hold an iPod Video - one of the most vacuous products imaginable. I shouldn’t take it out on the case really, but if products were in teams, this case would be on the iPod Video’s team. Stupid thing. Stupid team.
It’s a case for Creative’s Zen Vision:M. Conico say it’s brown on their website. It’s clearly yellow.
There’s no international definition of the various colours. It’s because colour’s a continuum rather than being made up of discrete, identifiable units.
Women tend to identify more colours than men, for example. Women have colours like ‘mauve’, ‘eggshell’ and ‘purple’. Weird stuff like that. Men just have red, green, blue and yellow. So a woman might differentiate between red and scarlet, whereas for a man, both would be red.
Either way, I think we can all agree that this case is yellow and not brown.
Prepare for ACTION!
It’s got a ’sturdy’ clip, because you know how much you bounce around when you’re being fit, healthy and active.
I know you. You’re a cool action type. You’re the kind of person who appears in promotional photographs for MP3 players. You’re trim, relaxed and “happy”. So are all your “friends”. You’ll need your Sansa C100 to be secure when you’re doing your triathlon training.
Alternatively, if you strap your Sansa C100 to your arm, at least you’ll know where it is when you wake up amongst all the detritus of your worthless life. Is it under the TV remote? Inside that pizza box? No, it’s right there, strapped to your flabby arm.
Your Creative Zen Vision M’s got to be up to some serious stuff to require A FULL BODY SHIELD. Even the FBI only have the vests and maybe a helmet.
But wait. There’s more. It’s an invisible shield. This is cooler than just about all the superheroes put together. A full body shield AND it’s invisible. Nobody’s going to be messing with your Zen Vision M now. They’ll be looking at its 30GB storage capabilities with awe. They’ll be backing away from it when it walks down the street because THEY KNOW it’s the hardest portable music player IN THE WORLD.
I think the invisible body shield’s basically thick clingfilm.
This Noreve red leather case fits one model of one brand of MP3 player. Big market. I’m only writing a review of it because there isn’t an MP3 player released every day.
It opens. It closes. You can get at the bits that you need to. It protects the bits that you don’t need to get to. It’s red. It’s leather.
It actually comes in black as well, but I’m reviewing the red one. Maybe I’ll do the black one another day. According to the Noreve website: “Some of the colors are in stock also.” I think they might have missed the word ‘other’.
Even assuming there are other colours available, Noreve don’t tell you which ones. That would be rash of them.
It’s a case for your iPod Shuffle and it’s made of metal.
It’s got holes in it so that you can press the buttons and that.
The place where we saw it for sale was selling them in threes. A red one, a black one and a white one.
I’m not really pulling out all the stops for this update.
It’s just a bag, isn’t it? It’s just a soft, brightly-coloured bag with the iRiver logo on that’s roughly the same size as the iRiver Clix.
It doesn’t even have holes cut out of it so that you can press buttons or look at the screen. It’s just a bag.
If you own an iRiver Clix, why not fold a piece of fabric around your beloved MP3 player and staple it together. Voila! An iRiver Clix pouch.
“Protects the device in an optimal manner.”
If you want to buy stuff created by a company who use phrases like that, that’s up to you. Me: I’ll be seeking leather cases that protect my MP3 player ‘a bit’ or ‘quite well’.
I’ll toy with buying a case that ‘doesn’t protect your MP3 player in the least bit’ and probably settle on one that protects your MP3 player ‘for the most part’.
I’m really starting to fall out with XtremeMac about their approach to the English language. Just because your entire business hangs on Apple, doesn’t mean you have to adopt their downright demented approach to capital letters.
First there was the MicroMemo. Actually, first there was XtremeMac, which at least starts with a capital, but that capital is an X when it so clearly should be an E. Anyway, after the MicroMemo came the SportWrap, which was only subtly wrong, but wrong it was.
Now we’ve got the TuffWrap. Or the TuffWrap Accent, it seems, but I don’t really know what the ‘Accent’ bit adds, to be honest. ‘TuffWrap’ distracts you with the absence of a space, before you realise: ‘Hey, wait a minute. That’s not how you spell ‘tough”. At this point you break down and cry, because there’s nothing - NOTHING - you can do about it.
Oh, it’s a rubber case, by the way.
The first thing that strikes me about the ‘Tune In Wallet’ is obviously the name. I think it’s a play on words that hasn’t quite worked. It sounds a bit like caveman English.
The second thing that I notice is that the ‘intricate pattern detail’ is on the inside. Why is it on the inside? Surely, if your case is open, you’re doing stuff with the iPod itself. You’re not gazing lovingly at the inside of the case. I can understand that the outside might not get much of an airing, because ordinarily it would be in your pocket, but the inside?
I wonder how much of a part the ‘intricate pattern detail’ played in making the price of this product roughly equivalent to a less branded MP3 player. You’ll notice that I don’t include the price, which is because we’re all from different countries. Maybe the Tune In Wallet’s cheap in your country. I wouldn’t count on it though.
MP3Gaze features portable media players from the simplest audio-only 128MB stick to the top-end all-singing, all-dancing video players, as well as headphones, docks and other related accessories. It is updated daily.
MP3 Gaze Author(s)
